Close Encounters of the Dating Kind

I hear stories all the time about people who go on blind dates arranged by their friends and/or family, but no one has ever really offered that service to me. (Maybe I should be grateful. Most stories end with less happily ever after and more trainwreck.) From time to time, a family member or friend will suggest a guy that I should date but I’m relieved to say that these pipe dreams have never materialized.

My mom thought a guy working for them was the perfect guy for me. He was (is?) Mennonite but I have an aversion to wearing long denim skirts. My mom pooh-poohed that concern and insisted that we were perfect for each other. My dad disagreed. “He’s kind of overweight,” he said. With an endorsement like that, I was never gung-ho. The real deal breaker came a few weeks after I first heard of Wes. He had a mental break down and that was the last we heard from him.

Then there was the guy offered up by my roommate’s “friend.” Rich’s nephew was a few years younger than Rich and had a daughter. The daughter was conceived with a woman who had been involved with a guy who killed his parents and brother and kept their bodies in a house for more than a year. Sorry, I don’t think I’ll get involved with anyone with those connections.

This weekend, my brother-in-law tried to convince me to date his coworker. The coworker is in his mid-40s and lives with his mother.

“But he’s rich!” Jake said. “The guys at work told me he makes like $12,000 a month in interest on all his savings accounts. You really should give him a chance.”

I was talking with my much older and wiser friend Bean today and, as our conversations are wont to do, the topic turned to matters of the heart. Bean’s second husband passed away two years ago and she mentioned that she’s looking for a rich man to set her up for a life of luxury when she retires in six months. I mentioned the machinist recommended by Jake, honing in on the $12,000 monthly interest payments.

“No, you don’t want to date him,” Bean said. “He has dirty nails.”


1 Comment »

  1. Wow … those are some winners. I think you should continue to steer clear of the recommendations.

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