Archive for Pomdering

What’s lost in your Vera Bradley?

I just sent the following e-mail to the IT guy at work.

Found the camera card! It was lost deep in the trenches of my Vera Bradley.

After I hit Send, I considered the possibility that he has no idea of what is a Vera Bradley. He’s probably scratching his head or busy jumping to conclusions.

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Full Disclosure?

As I washed my hands, I stole a cursory glance at my reflection. It was 10 a.m. and there was a glob of mascara on my brow bone. I had interacted with at least a dozen people and no one had mentioned the wayward lash enhancer which got me to thinking about niceties in today’s world. If there was something “wrong” with you, would you want to be told about it?

I grew up in a rural area where people play by a different set of social rules. I guess because it’s a farming community, people didn’t take time to exchange small talk and even today many people bluntly say their piece and go about their business. This social abruptness rubbed off on me, and is one of the biggest detractors in my professional life. I’m not mean, I’m honest. I don’t beat around the bush. I call it like it is. And sometimes people have a problem with that. Who’s wrong? Me for being honest? Them for being thin-skinned? Don’t get me wrong, I can kiss ass with the best of them, but I don’t feel the need to sugarcoat every damn day.

Last week I caught up with a friend who I hadn’t talked to in more than six months because she messed up. When we saw each other last week, I was “good” and only mentioned the cause of our strife in passing and then it was laughed off. I also asked if she was still seeing that guy. No, they broke up a while ago, I forget why. Because he is a jerk? Well, yeah, but no one except me told her that they didn’t like him. Only after they broke up did people start breaking their silence about what a douche he is.

Do we not speak up because it will create an awkward situation? Does taking steps to preserve a relationship negate the possible side effects of not speaking up? Observers typically have a different perspective than those caught up in the heat of the moment, but the last thing you want to hear when you’re IN LOVE! is that this guy? Really isn’t the one.

I was head over heels for this guy but he just wasn’t that into me, although I had our lives all planned out. We were kind-of on, totally off, rinse, repeat, for about two years, until it all came to a head one night as a redneck dance. Everyone else knew that the relationship wasn’t going to work, but if they said anything I KNEW they were wrong. We were meant to be together! Or he was meant to be with that girl who financially supports his lazy butt. Either way.

Lose weight and people won’t be shy about commenting. I kind of hate it when I run into someone I haven’t seen in a while and they make a big deal about how different I look. “How’d you lose the weight?” they usually ask. I always want to go for shock value in my reply, but I always chicken out. About a month ago I ran into a friend who lost a few pounds and what were the first words out of my mouth? “What did you do to lose weight?” Then there’s the woman who’s not shy about speaking up in groups to tell me that I need to stop losing weight because I’m getting too thin. While it’s kind of a compliment, it’s still kind of inappropriate. Plus, while my clothes are still in the double digits, I still have weight to spare.

The blunt approach failed me in my quest to help my sister. After she broke into tears one night when I volunteered to shuttle my nephew to his father, I felt so much compassion for her and the horrible situation she’s in. But then later that night I found out she’s being irresponsible with the baby and frequently asks my sister to watch him on her days with him. Fed up with her lies and feeling used, I called her and told her she needs to put her son before her next, well, boyfriend. She didn’t like it, told me never to call her again and hung up. I haven’t talked to her since. I’m hopeful that before she does much more damage to the relationships she has left, she’ll smarten up and realize that a guy can’t make her happy. That she has to make herself happy and then she’ll find a man to be happy with. But she’s not ready to hear those words of wisdom.

I am able to recognize situations where it’s better to keep my trap shut. About half way through a photo shoot for my company’s annual report, I noticed that the president of the board’s zipper was down. Should I have said something to the septuagenarian? He probably would have passed out from embarrassment (and I knew the photos would be cropped) so I let it go because I didn’t want it to get awkward.

What do you think? Would we save a lot of time and energy if we stopped trying to be nice and started being honest? Do you tell people what they need to hear? Can I tell that girl on the treadmill next to me that she needs to slap on some deodorant?

Fruity

I’m traversing the Pennsylvania countryside this week and I really, really wish I had a photo card reader or a USB cord to upload photos of the things I’ve seen. There have been lots of HOTT boys (a whole bus load was going to Bowie, Md. I don’t know why either.), a broken toe and tractor trailers hooked up to bright yellow things that we guessed were to air condition the cabs. Please use the following to paint a mental picture of the highlight so far:

“Why would anyone want that much fruit on their shoes?”

“Why would anyone want fruit on their shoes, period?”

Pennsylvania Truck Stop Fashion: Your One-Stop Shop for Fruit Encrusted Flip Flops. Seriously, there were fat, green grapes dangling from the flip flop strap, complete with a bumble bee. If grapes aren’t your thing, they also sell a pepper variety.

Like tots but different

“They’re like French fries for breakfast,” I just overheard a father say to his young son.

“This is the best day of my life!” the son replied.

Take a minute today to reflect on the good old days when discovering home fries on the Holiday Inn breakfast buffet was like winning the jackpot of life.

Being Single Ain’t Cheap

I was waiting in line after the candlelight Christmas service, wearing an adorable dress suit, when my former Sunday School teacher said to me, “You remind me so much of your Aunt Janet.”

“What – an old maid?!” I responded.

Aunt Janet is my great-grandfather’s sister and I can’t even hazard a guess of her age. My great-grandmother is 86-ish, but I think Aunt Janet is a little younger than that. She looks darn good for her age, at any rate. She’s had quite the life. She was a nurse in the Navy and has all kinds of degrees adorning her walls. She’s traveled all over the world and I’m sure she could tell stories that would make your hair curl. But she’s never been married, and the only guy that anyone talks about with a romantic connotation lived with his mother.

That exchange rolled over me as I folded clothes and reflected on a coworker’s announcement earlier today.

The years after college are marked with waves. First was the wedding wave, seven weddings one summer, six the next and others littered between. Three cousins get married in four months two summers ago. Two of my younger sisters have walked down the aisle. I’m riding in the baby waves right now. My nephew just turned one. The other weekend I went to a pregnancy party and this weekend is my college best friend’s baby shower in Pittsburgh. These three cousins have all become fathers in the past few months. A message was delivered to my inbox on Friday listing at least six sorority sisters who are pregnant and a coworker just today announced she’s due in November. This doesn’t even include the bloggers I stalk read.

Like all little girls I played bride and dreamed of my wedding day. Remember those dolls with the diapers that disintegrated to reveal the baby’s gender? The doll Santa brought me turned out to have a twin! But these days I don’t see myself getting married or having children. I would love to, but I just don’t see it in my future. I have a pretty big hang up that keeps me from getting too close to men. I don’t know if I tell myself I won’t get married so I won’t be dissappointed if it never happens or whether it’s related to how I deal with what I really want but over which I don’t have ultimate control. Like when I ran for milk queen. I kept telling myself that I wasn’t going to win so when my name was called it was a huge surprise (only not really because I totally knew I was going to win).

Being single is expensive and Carrie had the right idea on Sex and the City when she threw herself a party and registered for Manolos.

I know a marriage or children do not a complete life make. My question is this: how did Aunt Janet get so rich after buying gifts for all of the engagement parties, bridal showers, bachelorette parties, weddings, pregnancy parties, baby showers and birthday parties and never receiving gifts for the same milestones in her own life? And do they make Manolos to fit size 10 feet?

Coming ’round the bend

Dear Pandora,

I love you, I really do. You provide hours of listening pleasure as I toil away the days at work. I love being able to give a big thumbs up or smack down a song that gets on my last nerve. It’s all about the surprise beyond the scrollbar.

But I really wonder about you. What in my listening history would make you think it’s a great idea to go from Good Morning Beautiful by Steve Holy to Wake Up by The Arcade Fire to Lowlife by Scanners on an album called Violence is Golden? Here’s a hint: I pretty much only like country, with maybe a little Bon Jovi or New Kids on the Block tossed in for good measure. Please save that hardcore stuff for someone who really appreciates it and is wondering why Kenny Chesney keeps coming up.

XO,
PomJob

I bet this doesn’t happen at your house

I have a confession. When I visit my parents, I don’t spend much time in the barns or with the cows.

So I was surprised when I walked by the heifer pen and paused to say hi to the cow that she has the same name as my sister. Is there a cow named after me? I would feel oddly slighted if not. Am I not worthy to share a name with a cow?

Pomdering

Tiny baby clothes, soft receiving blankets, crisp white socks, mounds of diapers and piles of wipes. All great ideas for a baby shower, but what do you take to a pregnancy party? My friend is entering her second trimester and her college friends are throwing a party to pamper her through the rest of her pregnancy. What’s one thing, available at Wal Mart or Target (it’s Saturday, no time for the mall), that would get you through the next six months as you grow a human in your uterus? I’m looking for something beyond maternity clothes and cocoa butter. Insight from those current in this predicament is especially appreciated.

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As I see it, there are X main tools that you use in an office bathroom: light switch, toilet, soap dispenser, sink, paper towel dispenser. You can only make 4 touch-free. Which should remain hands-on?